Things Renting Space in My Brain
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City: This show convinces me the world is ending, or that it should. Who knew Botox was a Mormon sacrament, and why are they getting it in their knees?
AT&T: I know I’ll have to call them to find out why my group texts bounce back if the group includes an Android. I know it will be a one-hour minimum conversation that will include transferring me back and forth to many other departments. I know at some point I will start silently crying. I think it will be easier just to cut off contact with any friends who have Androids.
My Subaru: I love it, but I simply don’t understand it and never will. It took me a year to figure out how to turn off the radio and which controls to disable to take it through a car wash. I had to read the manual twice a year in order to change the clock in my old Honda, so I’m willing to admit this is owner error. I also don’t understand my computerized washing machine.
Bitmoji: The avatar I created on Bitmoji to include in texts to my family always seems so happy. She looks like me but appears to be having all the fun I’m not—throwing confetti, drinking Champagne, doing a drum solo in honor of someone’s birthday. I’m honestly a little jealous of her, which makes me think I’ve been alone too long.
Bitcoin: Will my $100 investment skyrocket and be worth gamillions? Will I be able to buy a Tesla? Should I get more Bitcoin? What the hell is Bitcoin?
Nikki Hardin is a writer of stories, musings, and memories. Her poetry has been published in Riverteeth Journal. She was the founder and publisher of skirt!, a monthly women’s magazine in Charleston, South Carolina. You can reach her at nikki@thedailynikki.com.